journal 1

“Time flies, huh ? ” are the simple word that I want someone said to me, but in the end, I say it to my self, alone, whispered in the crowded of fireworks’ sound and take me to a long-deep-thinking without any explanation except the flash back of old memories. And unfortunately, the old feeling. 

Someone ever said to me that time will work its magic ; made some wound heal and made some logic clear. I could say that at some point, it didn’t. You forgot, but then you remember, and old feeling …. come back. 

I don’t know why I’m feeling so blue and kinda make this fuss,  but when I look back, at the year that’s gonna be gone, I just feel so…lost? This year, I kinda do nothing. It just come to point where I regret something I didn’t do rather than something I did. And as the regret come to my mind and make a mess in my head, I just feel so hopeless, don’t know what to do, don’t know where to start. 

Next year ? Like everybody’s wish, I hope it’s gonna be okay for me. Truthfully, I hope that I will get rid the uneasy feeling. 

And so, happy new year everyone, wish you the very happy year. 

 

Depok, 31 Desember 2013

sepi

Kata-kataku menari-nari, 

seringnya berlari-lari, 

bahkan sempat melarikan diri. 

Seperti kumpulan dedaunan mati, 

di antara gerumbul perasaan sepi. 

 

Di antara ratusan logika, 

hanya ada separonya, 

separonya lagi pergi entah ke mana. 

Meninggalkan sepi berbaju pelangi. 

 

Kadang hujan sepanjang hari, 

kadang pula matahari bersinari sampai mati. 

Kadang pula sepi menari-nari. 

Tak tahu diri. 

 

Karena sepi selalu tentang rasa, 

Tidak pernah tentang logika. 

Karena bagaimanapun juga, 

bukankah biasanya sepi membuat bijaksana ? 

 

Tapi untuk saat ini, 

sepi sedang berdemonstrasi, 

dalam ketukan nada mati. 

 

 

Depok, 30 Desember 2013

 

kalau saja

Kalau saja aku datang lebih cepat, 

maka senja kita tidak akan terlambat. 

Dan kita akan menikmatinya bersama rima yang lebih memikat. 

 

Kalau saja waktu kita berputar, 

kita akan berdansa bersama senja yang memudar. 

Mengucap selamat datang pada bulan yang tersenyum samar. 

 

Kalau saja detik saling bertemu, 

aku datang, kau tersenyum padaku. 

Menuju lembayung langit yang terdiam syahdu. 

 

Kalau saja ada jawaban untuk pertanyaanku. 

Tentu aku tidak lagi bertanya semu. 

Pada senja yang bersemburat kelabu. 

Pada langit yang mulai membiru. 

 

Kalau saja aku tiba pada waktunya. 

Kau tidak akan pergi, bersama segerumbul duka. 

Mencabik senja terakhir kita. 

 

Kalau saja aku tidak terlalu lama. 

Waktu akan tersenyum pada kita. 

Ditonton malam yang merestuinya. 

 

 

Depok, 25 Desember 2013

I left my hometown this evening without any special feelings. I came home some days ago, get a lot of food from my mom, treat from my dad, and hell yeah, a kinda joke-but-fight from my brother.

About one hour ago, i departed, and here I am, sitting alone in the bus, watching my hometown fade away in the next intersection.

It’s been a really long time, rite? I remember almost 3 years ago I left this city with tears and countless sadness bluff from my eyes. Back then, I was just a little girl who was afraid of a big city. Well, my destination isn’t really big, but think of it with the point of view from 18 years old girl who has nothing but her blue bag. Actually, I wrote a poem about that blue bag and somehow connected it with my broken heart. Well, I was really young, huh?

My mom’s farewell as same as usual and so does my father. I don’t know but I love it, the way my mom worried me, the way my dad’s silence and his hug toward me, and the way my brother stroke his head in my cheek because he didn’t wanna kiss me. They were so familiar…

And yet, thinking about them and what I am gonna do, the tears suddenly just scroll down. Tears? Hell, suddenly I’m feeling so young, so fragile, has nothing except my bag …
And my hometown really gone. I am gone. I am heading to not-so-big-city with head full of question, asking myself when I’ll come home again.

Sragen, 12 Desember 2013

View on Path

The Fallen Angels : The Broken Wings

” Her eyes spark so bright you even see the light comes from it.” He whispers, saying it as loud as the dust fall to the ground.  Anyway, have you ever heard the dust fall to the ground ? What a stupid correlation. Silly me. 

I look at him ; his eyes suddenly become bigger and his cheek turning red. ” What ? Who ? Do I know her ? ” 

” No, ” he answers. ” But I do. I did, actually. ” 

” You did ? ” I shock and suddenly the explanation comes to my mind like a hurricane. ” When ? ” I ask him, without a sound. 

” You know, when all of us up there. There. ” he said with a certain pressure for the last word. 

” Where ? ” 

” Hey, Ang, really, if you ask me once more with your stupid-unnecessary-question, I’ll throw you away at the ocean. I know you hate water more than anything. ” 

” Hey, I don’t even know what are we talking about and who…wait, how do you know i don’t really like water ? I talk about it with no one. ” I ask. 

” Of course, with this body, ” his thumb almost get to his index finger, ” you almost sank at the Hope Pool. ” 

” Hope Pool ? Wait, wait, is that the name of the new pool near the mayor office ? ” 

His bigger eyes getting bigger and bigger. ” Ang, really, you don’t remember ? ” 

” Remember ? What should I remember ? ” ask me panickly, suddenly remembered about history task. 

” Who am I ? ” he ask. 

” Daniel, right ? My biology partner ? And by the way, we have to finish this report. Begin sick of it. ” My hand wave at the report that we should write. 

” Daniel is my name here. I have another name. There. ” 

” There ? Where is there ? ” I ask while write the definition of some virus. 

” Heaven, of course. ” he answer calmly. 

” Heaven ? ” I laugh. ” Daniel, really, are you drunk ? ” 

” You don’t believe me ? “

I answer almost at the time. ” Actually, no. ” 

” I know. He warned me about this. No one but me will remember who we really are. ” 

” He ? Who is he ? Don’t tell me that he is the God or someone like that ? ” 

His answer amuse me. ” No. He is the Head Angel. ? 

” Angel ? Wait, are we an angel ? So we broke our wings and fall to the earth ? ” My laugh almost burst. 

” Yes. ” 

” Really ? The wings can broken ? ” 

” Yes, at the final war, the enemies broke everyone’s wings. They sent everyone include us to here. We shouldn’t remember this, but I remember. I remember how we shoot the large number of enemies, how we scream, how everything’s burn…” 

” We shoot ? Like Cupid ? ” 

” Cupid is one of us, actually. And yes, we shoot like Cupid. ” 

” So what’s happen next ? ” I ask him, amusely. 

” So, we…wait, you don’t really believe me, right, Ang ? ” 

” No. ” 

” I can’t find you easily. What should I do that you believe me?”

I closed my biology book and look him at the eye. ” Prove me that you are an angel. Fallen angel. Or something like that. ” 

” Fine. You’re gonna believe me. ” 

His eyes become dark and dark, and I can see my reflection there. 

 

to be continued 

 

Depok, 8 Desember 2013 

 

NB : Gak tau kenapa tiba-tiba pengen bikin kayak gini. Baru pertama sih, sorry for the messy words. Jadi gimana pendapatmu ?